Peter in college, after finding a way to get drunk with his friends, ends up 3am drunk-horny tweeting about Tony Stark, thinking it’s fine, right? Tony doesn’t care about his tweets? Probably doesn’t even know his Twitter handle. And it’s fine, right, because it’s just a joke a-and everyone is thinking it so, can he really fault Peter?
The meme is posted. 100k retweets in less than an hour. Peter and Ned and MJ are floored for a moment, and then they begin to laugh, because see???? The world is horny for Tony Stark. Who cares if Peter posted it? If Peter is horny for him, too? There’s a reason Tony is voted sexiest man on earth year after year after year. Tony knows it, too. He has a pool of millions to choose from. So why would Peter ever matter?
And then it’s 4am, and the giggles are just dying down as Peter’s phone rings. Looks down at the device in his hand to see–it’s Tony. He immediately thinks about destroying the phone and starting a new life under a new name but… Tony would still find him, so that’d be stupid.
MJ answers for him, says nothing, just hands the phone back to Peter. He’s shaking.
“M-Mr. Stark? Heeeeey, um, you’re up late.”
“Could say the same for you, kid. I see you’ve gone viral.”
And Peter so wishes a sink hole would just open up and swallow him. He tries to smoothe things over with a “oh, haha, that’s, uh, just a joke! Sir, um, Ned and MJ and I got drunk and i-it was just funny, and MJ dared me to post it! And I-I’m so sorry, Mr. Stark, if it made you uncomfortable, I–”
And Peter is very much not expecting it when Tony then says, “So are you not a fan of this leg opener?” He malfunctions. He can no longer speak.
So MJ answers for him. “Soooo you guys gonna fuck already?”
Peter is silently SCREAMING until he hears Tony chuckle. “That all depends on Peter.”
Maybe it’s better the floor hadn’t opened up and swallowed him. Thank you, floor. “M-me? Mr. Stark, I–”
“Please, call me Tony.”
(meme below, I’m still working on this–I don’t know everyone’s handles yet but a discord server member posted this and it sent me spiraling into BUT WHAT IF PETER–)
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